my clementine is turning one tomorrow.
i remember when charlotte came to visit right after clementine was born she said,
"once a baby hits that first birthday you just have to say to that mom, 'way to go! you did it! that first year is huge!'" i didn't quite understand what she meant until now. how in the world can one person change SO MUCH in one year?
i haven't really looked through many of her newborn pictures until now and many of them are deleted off of my phone and as i looked through some of them, so many raw emotions of early, early motherhood came back into my mind and heart.
wow. what an adjustment. after she was born i had so many emotions flooding through my body. i felt torn up and raw. nursing was an adjustment, waking up around the clock was tough, i had to really mentally grasp the fact that i am no longer my own person. suddenly i knew what it felt like to be extremely devoted and concerned for another persons well being like never before. i'll tell you, those mama bear instincts kick in immediately.
this entry from my journal made me all weepy,
"The next morning, they brought her in. Dylan wasn’t in the room at the time and I remember when they wheeled her in her little eyes were wide open and she was looking all around. I was so excited to finally hold and love her. She was hungry and I had to try and nurse for the first time. It didn’t come easy. The lactation specialist was there and she helped me a lot. That night, Teri and Jesse came to the hospital to visit. They were SO sweet and brought us whataburger, flowers, chocolates and ice cream. I love those two. It was nice to feel like we weren’t so alone. "
^first picture home from the hospital.
she was SO SMALL.
yesterday i was reflecting on my love for clementine and how much she means to me. in her room i have a wooden plaque that quotes, "you make me happy when skies are gray." from "you are my sunshine" and i thought, she is sunshine. she is my sunshine girl. she is a light. she is always so happy and jubilant and on the move. i feel so blessed to be her mama and will treasure her all my life. i said to dylan last week, "if something ever happened to clementine, do you think i would miss her everyday for the rest of my life?"
i know i would.
i know it's a bit of a picture overload. it was just such a year.